The Emotional Logistics of Goodbye

I’ve said it before – I love Portugal, and I will always be grateful to the country for allowing us to pursue our dreams.

Portugal is the country that initiated the Sephardic Repatriation programs in Iberia, and it’s the one that honestly wanted to make amends for past injustices. Without that, I doubt we would ever have made the move to Europe. Sure, other types of resident visas exist, but they always seemed like too much of a hurdle, and we had mentally reconciled ourselves to living in Latin America. Portugal made our fantasies real.

And they wanted us here. Overall, Portugal has  welcomed us with open arms. I have always said that the best thing in Portugal is the people (although the wine is a close second!). Some of the Portuguese friends we made in Porto are friends still, and I bet they’ll still be friends in the future.

In Lisbon, we weren’t able to connect to as many Portuguese people – the city is too busy, everyone’s on their own trajectory. But we’ve become close to David and Sarah Hassler, and they’ll be our first visitors in Valencia. David and I will continue to collaborate on music, too. We’ve got all the tools and systems in place to make this work long-distance, and I have no intention of letting him off the hook.

We’ve explored the country during our time here, and we’ve found places that we’ll treasure the memories of. The Alentejo will always resonate with me, even though I know there’s no way I could live there. Standing on the roofline parapet of the Évora cathedral surrounded by a cloud of tiny blue butterflies isn’t something I’ll forget. And the memories of the week we spent with Wendy in the Algarve at the Praia de Luz will live forever.

So, there’s some bittersweet in leaving. And we don’t HAVE to leave. We could stay. It would be EASY to stay, although we’d still need a different apartment. Sure, we’ve had the inevitable frustrations and freakouts. The bureaucracy can be nuts, but we know how things work here now, we’ve got our routines and our systems in place, and we have workarounds for problematic stuff.

But on the other hand … I can’t deny that there is a certain grittiness about Portugal that’s become more and more noticeable to me over time. The number of crumbling buildings in Porto. The constant construction in Lisboa. The frequently malfunctioning escalators in the Metro. Even in nice neighborhoods, a lot of things just look a little run down. In the tourist areas, it’s just an overcrowded, over commercialized hodgepodge of over saturated chain stores and overpriced restaurants.

The little frustrations that were once charming or ignorable started to wear thinner over time. We also knew that we were going to have to move at the end of our lease, since the owner had very clearly telegraphed their intentions about the rent.  That’s when we began thinking more seriously about what might come next.

We always said that Portugal wasn’t necessarily our final destination. And Valencia didn’t just appear out of nowhere. It’s always been on our horizon, even when we were positive it was completely impossible. This is an evolution, not a betrayal of the last five years.

Even though Lisbon won’t be our final stop, that doesn’t mean it won’t leave a mark. You can be ready to move on and still be a little sad to go. We’ll miss our walks in the Gulbenkian gardens, our promenades along Avenida Liberdade, our dinners at Il Mercato or Casa Nepalesa where the waitstaff all know and fuss over us. We’ll miss our friends. We’ll miss the sound of Portuguese.

Soon, we’ll have new routines, new habits, new acquaintances and friends. We’ll probably also have new confusion and frustrations. Not everything will go 100% smoothly, or 100% as planned, but that’s part of having new adventures.

We’re ready. Lisbon has shaped us. Valencia will stretch us. It’s time for the next chapter to begin!